Before I Waste My Youth Worrying About Wasting It
I am not one to start something and stick it through. If I had a nickel for every time I started a new project, website, or story, I’d probably have enough money to hire someone to finish renovating my home (we all know how expensive contractors can be).
“So, Kay, why is this time any different?”
In the most honest way I can, I’ll tell you that it’s not. Writing is not easy, and neither is maintaining hobbies outside of marriage, motherhood, and work. Every day is filled with dozens of tasks on my to-do list, whereas less than half ever gets done. There are not enough hours in my day, nor days in my week, to accomplish everything I want to do. Sometimes I wonder, is this just the season I’m in? Will it ever get easier?
I think the answer to both those questions is “no.” There will never be enough time in my day to do all the things I need and want to do. But then I think, would I be happier to not be married, not have children, and not have the life I have? Of course not! There is not a single thing the devil himself could offer me that would make me change my life choices. Sure, I’d watch what I spend and would’ve exercised more in the past if I could go back, but life is life. It has come and gone, and now there is nothing to do but carry on.
I’m nearing the age of twenty-seven now, and just the idea of that nearly sends me into shock. I’m riddled with anxiety at the pressures of life, wondering if I’ve done enough and wondering when life will finally “begin.” But it has…hasn’t it? I’m here, at twenty-seven, with at least a huge percentage of the life I’ve wanted since I was little. I never thought I’d be married, and here I am. I never thought I’d get to have kids, and yet, here I am! I have a dream of a job, so many interesting hobbies and ideas, and while our current housing situation isn’t ideal, it’s ours. My parents never owned anything their whole lives, except for a car here and there. But to think I own a building, and this building is mine? (Sure, not the land, but we can't have everything…)
And wow! Twenty-seven. I thought I’d be young forever, and didn’t we all? Now I know, I know! Under thirty is young…heck, under FIFTY is young these days. Am I really going to waste the next fourteen or so years scrapping to get by in my day-to-day, and struggling mentally to accomplish anything? I don’t want to wake up at forty and feel like I wasted my youth worrying about wasting my youth! I have so much time left! And even though I feel as if I have no energy to be successful, I can work to get there. I can work out and eat healthier. I can do puzzles and games and read to exercise my brain on the daily. I can find a way to live simply and be happy…
And get off that damn phone…
So, yes, I think this time is no different, but I want it to be. I want to write more and publish my work. I want to fill my days with work and joyful things, not lounge around being stuck on my phone. I tell you, these damn phones! It’s the only way to stay connected, but why? What happened to letters, emails, and phone calls? Everything is through social media and text now. I need five different apps for everything, and my eyes are glued to the screens all day. These days, the thought of touching grass tends to have a new meaning. More like look at grass, at the very least.
Ramble, ramble, ramble…
What’s this post about again?
Right… It’s a reminder to myself to work harder. Find joy in the little things, and let go of the anxieties of the things I can’t control. Don’t let life pass me by, eat healthy, and get more energy! And if you’re reading this, maybe you find yourself needing the same reminders, too. There’s no right way to live life, and we’re all given only one lump of clay. Do we want our lives to be lumpy and malformed, or do we take the (spinning) wheel and mold ourselves to be the best version?
Have a great day. I hope I can look back on this post in the future and see a difference in me, and appreciate the effort I’ve put into a better life, and I hope whoever is reading this gets the motivation they need!
